not both for me
by whatifellinlovewith
Summary: Beckett wasn't lying when she told Ryan that both a Cronuts weren't for her.


**I don't know how accurate the ninja fight/arrest scene is. This story took on a life of it's own and idk what I think of it anymore. Just kinda where my mind went when Kate Goldman Ryan the Cronuts weren't both for her.**

* * *

"They're not both for me" I called across the room, over the desks, to Ryan. I heard his hum and saw him look away, almost rolling his eyes in skeptism.

I smiled to myself. Yes, Ryan had every reason to be skeptic, considering the fact that I had taken two of the cronuts, and Castle wasn't there to eat the second one, but I hadn't been lying. Nope, they were not both for me. Ryan didn't need to believe that, nor find out why. He could tell Espo I ate two, and I wouldn't tell him either. They didn't need to know, yet. No way in hell was I telling them before I told him.

Cronut numer one was for me. Cronut number two was for the baby depending on me.

Nobody knew but me luckily Castle hadn't been there that day, or he probably would've dragged me home and badgered me until I told him about my suspicions. I hadn't built up the confidence to actually take the test for a whole two weeks.

The box containing two of them had sat in my nightstand for over a week, all while I hoped desperately that he wouldn't go in there looking for something and find them. He didn't, though, so after nearly two weeks of finding reasons not to, finding reasons why I couldn't possibly be pregnant and, the one that makes me feel the worse, putting myself in danger on the job, also putting the baby I knew deep down I was carrying even without the test's confirmation, I finally sucked it up and peed on the damn plastic stick.

When I saw that little pink plus appear as the result, every single ounce of fear I had felt over the past couple weeks was forgotten. It was positive, and my eyes focused on that as I let pure excitement and joy wash over me in waves. I was thankful I had been smart enough to take the test while Rick wasn't home, because I was pretty sure I had ultra-uncharacteristically squealed when I saw the result, and I had instantly felt excitement bubbling within me at the idea of telling him. I already knew he'd be more than happy that we were having a baby, ecstatic as I had been.

After I managed to calm down my racing heart and get control of the huge smile that had come across my face, so wide it made my cheeks hurt, I called my OB. I explained to her the situation and made an appointment to have a blood test done to confirm it. Barely minutes after we hung up, Castle walked through the door. I barely managed to keep myself from blurting it out, still having the smallest hint of doubt in the back of my mind and, also rather unchracteristically, couldn't help but want to tell him someway special.

The hospital had called with the results a few days before that day, at the very beginning of the ninja case, as Castle seemed to believe it was. I had quickly dismissed them, though, not letting the person on the other end of the call even start telling me the result, because not only had Castle been right there, but I had been sitting at my desk in the precinct, and I certainly didn't trust myself to keep my reaction moderate or undetectable, not after the way I reacted to the result on the home test.

After that, the opportunity didn't turn up, not with the case and dinner with Carly and Castle always around. Finally the opportunity turned up, that morning when Castle opted to stay home to write out the ninjas attack. I left earlier than usual, knowing he wouldn't realize, kissing his lips softly and promising to see him later, mentally adding that it would hopefully be with incredible news under my wing and behind my smile.

Once alone in my car, I called the hospital thankful the my OB was the one to deliver the overjoying result, definitively positive, definitively pregnant. I had thanked her over and over again as she congratulated Rick and I over the phone, and I had promised to make an appointment with her as soon as I told him the good news. She had told me that was perfectly fine, but, knowing about my job, warned me to take it easy. Of course, I had agreed, the well-being of my child my main concern immediately after finding out. I already loved that baby half to death, and I had known about it for like two weeks.

I was glad I had left myself quite a bit if time to spare, because the smile on my face was wider than the first had been. I had driven myself to the precinct, singing along with the radio, also very unlike me but I was just so happy I couldn't stop myself. It was strange how happy I had been. I had never expected the news of a little Castle baby to make me so absolutely ecstatic, so happy I was singing and smiling more than I ever had before. In the parking lot, I had let myself internally squeal and let the smile on my face grow until it was impossibly big. My mind spun with ideas on how to tell Castle, as soon as possible because there was no way I would be able to hold that in for any longer than necessary. In fact, I didn't totally trust myself not to just blurt it out to every single person I saw until all of New York knew.

That brought me to the Cronuts on Ryan's desk, and the joy that was still rushing over me had a smile still spread across my face and had me reaching for a second Cronut when usually, when Rick brought them home, I'd be hesitant to even have the first one. I was pregnant, after all, and eating for two. The smile only grew at Ryan's reaction, and for once I didn't care that I was simply sitting at my desk all day. Instead, I had pushed Esposito and Ryan to go after leads, remembering the advice of my doctor. Castle's face when he showed up to find me sitting at my desk, typing away at my computer in search of leads was priceless. He didn't say anything, tough, as he sat down next to me, in his chair at the end of my desk. I looked up to meet his questioning gaze and simply shrugged, once again not trusting myself to speak. The smile on my face, however, had him raising his eyebrows at me, but eventually we both just looked away.

Hours later, when we found another lead sending us in the direction of Mr. Saito, I had Ryan, Espo and Castle all staring at me like I had grown a second head when I suggested the boys go arrest him instead of me. I had simply shrugged, telling them I would have everything ready for their arrival. That was when Castle brought up that I was acting strange and asked me if I was feeling okay. Of course, I said yes, because I was so much more than simply okay, but I couldn't tell them all that, yet. That was not some special way to tell Castle, especially not with the boys there along with many other detectives and uniforms. And when Ryan suggested that Castle and I go, since I had done so little on the case, I tried to throw it back at him, tell him it was his case to wrap, but they didn't go for it.

So, there I was, driving to Mr. Saito's place, desperately hoping the arrest would be easy and any risks would be minimal or non-existent. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to me, to the baby, because I put myself in harm's way just so I didn't blurt out that I was pregnant at the precinct. I shuddered at that thought, and Castle looked over at me from the passenger seat. When I came to a stop outside Mr. Saito's building, I looked back over at him, smiling, trying to look confident. Worry was still shining in his eyes, though, as we got out of the car and hopped into the elevator. I could still feel his eyes on me.

At first, everything seemed to be going great. Mr. Saito was calm, despite the fact that he was being arrested for murder. He insisted he was innocent, and honestly, I was rather convinced, with the way he was speaking. And then the shot was fired, and he was dead, and on instinct I made my way to the couch, ducking behind it in attempt to hide. My mind was almost completely blank, at that point, my whole being filling with worry that maybe something will go wrong. So, I watched in silence as one ninja appears, and then another, and I watched the fight. A part of me, hidden in the very back of my mind, knew that it was my job to break up the fight, to make sure no one else got hurt or killed, but I couldn't bring myself to move, not knowing that something might happen.

I only seemed to regain my composure when the masks are removed. I processed that our killer was Randall Bradford, as he lay on the floor, defeated and vulnerable to our second ninja, the good one who I was pretty sure had saved Castle and I, and the baby. There, straddling our killer, was Saya, speaking of getting revenge for her family, for Jade, and I knew I had to do something. I found myself relating to her, knowing what it was like to want to kill the person who seemingly took everything from you. I had been there, but I realized that murder wasn't the answer, that a life for a life wasn't worth it, that watching a killer rot in prison would be much more rewarding. And lucky for Saya, the person whose throat she was holding a dagger to was not running for president of the United-States and would be a lot easier to get behind bars than Bracken was. I managed to talk her down, and from there everything went routine, luckily.

When we got home that evening, I was starving, and I couldn't blame that one on the baby, not yet. I had simply barely eaten that day, besides the pair if Cronuts. But, before I could hope into the kitchen and find myself something to eat, Rick wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped mine around him in return, remembering having thanked Saya for protecting those I cared about, him and our child. And once again, I found myself fighting to just blurt it out. I was thankful when he spoke before I could.

"That must've been hard for you" he said softly. My mind, clouded by his scent and thoughts of telling him as soon as possible, didn't process what he was talking about. My lack of response probably told him that, because he continued. "Talking Saya down. I know you've been there" he elaborated. I shrugged the best I could against him. Yes, I had thought of my mother and Bracken when I saw Saya, wanting to get justice for her family like I still did for mine, but my thoughts had mostly been centred on making sure I didn't have a triple homicide on my plate so I could hope home, where I was safe and the baby was safe, and tell Fastle he was going to be a daddy again.

"A bit" I answered simply, other things on my mind that didn't involve Saya, Randall or Bracken. I pulled away from him slightly and looked at him, a smile gracing my lips. "I'm just glad we're all okay" I told him softly, eyes meeting his. I hoped he caught on, but I somewhat doubted it at first, as he nodded in agreement. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, because you'd think the writer would catch on to the fact that all implied that there was more than two, yet there was, in his mind, only two of us. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to any of us" I added, hoping that maybe he'd catch on that time. The way his brow furrowed told me he had.

"Kate?" It was soft and curious, confusion tainting his tone. I raised my brows, urging him to continue, so he did. "What do you mean all?" he asked, looking down at me with curious blue eyes. I let the huge smile I had been holding back all day come across my face, pulling my lower lip between my teeth somewhat shyly. "Kate?" he repeated, making my smile grow impossibly wider and making me release my lip. My hand reached up to cup his slightly scruffy jaw in my palm. I pressed myself against him once again, pressing my lips to his gently, giving him a soft and loving kiss on the lips. When we pulled away, I met his gaze with excited, happy eyes, my hand still resting on his jaw.

"Babe, I'm pregnant" I whispered, watching carefully as recognition, shock and joy flooded his features, eyes growing wide and a smile gracing his lips. I knew my expression mirrored his as he pulled me in for a long, lingering, loving kiss that left my lips tingling even after we pulled apart and he pulled me in for a tight hug, leaving no space between us at all. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly closer to me and burying my face in the crook of his neck. "We're having a baby" I murmured against his warm skin. He tried to pull me even closer, and I felt his lips press to the top of my head.

"We're having a baby" he repeated in a low mumble against my head. I nodded against him, nuzzling myself deeper into his neck. "Oh my God! When the gunshot...the ninjas...Kate...the baby" he said frantically, suddenly, Asa he pulled away from me slightly. I looked down shyly and nodded. "That's why you wanted to stay at the precinct" he realized. "You were trying to...protect...our baby" As he spoke the last two words, a smile came across his face so happy and wide and contagious. "You're going to be an amazing mom" he said, wonder dripping from his words, making my smile grow even more. He had no idea how good it felt to know he was happy and that he thought I would be so good mom to his baby, our baby. I let my smile grow even more. We're having a baby, I repeated, over and over again in my mind until his voice broke my thoughts. "How far along do you think you are?" I blinked a few times before shrugging.

"Six to eight weeks or so" I answered, trying to figure out around when that would fall. Right after the narcotics case, I realized moments later, during the two weeks of recovery I had been given after. I felt a flood of relief come over me as I realized I hadn't been pregnant during all that mess. If I had been, I realized, I probably wouldn't be anymore. And a soft sigh escaped me. "After the narcotics case" I told him simply, and he didn't have to ask what I was talking about. He smiled down at me, most likely remembering those weeks off like I was. Truth be told, I had spent very little time recovering and a lot celebrating the fact that I was alive and that we still had a future together. A future that included a baby, apparently.

I kept my eyes locked on his as he leaned in, only closing them when our lips met in a harder, deeper, more heated kiss. My hands found his hair, fingers running through the short, soft brown locks like they often did. His grip tightened around my waist, once again pulling me flush against him. Our lips moved together in perfect sync, our tongues mingling in a dance so familiar yet so new, so satisfying yet leaving me wanting so much more. These kisses were what started our two weeks of celebrating in the first place. I pulled away first, not wanting to go there, yet, because I was still hungry for food. He smiled down at me once again, and I felt his hand move off my back, out from around my waist until his large palm was resting on my flat stomach. I moved mine from his head to cover it, intertwining our fingers over our unborn child.

"We're having a baby" he said once again staring down at my mid-section, at our hands in awe. I smiled happily once again before looking up at him. Seconds later, he looked up at me. "I love you so much, Kate" he whispered. I felt tears pricking at my eyes, the emotion of the moment suddenly all crashing down on me at once. The love for Rick. The love for the baby. His love for me. His love for our baby. The sheer joy of knowing we were a family, we created a life and that life was resting safely within me, under our joined hands. "And now I can't be upset with you for eating my Cronut" he said, making me laugh through tears, lightening the moment.

"I told Ryan they weren't both for me" I said, smiling up at him, eyes teary with laughter shining through them. "Couldn't let the baby go hungry" I added, laughing with him. "Speaking of which" I peaked over his shoulder at the kitchen, only then realizing we were standing only feet from the door. It wasn't exactly the big surprise, planned way of telling him I had hoped for, but in a way it was almost better, not big, exactly, but very intimate. I met his eyes again, and we both smiled. I let him lead me into the kitchen, where he made dinner as we continued to talk about the baby, how to tell everyone, how happy we were. I practically scoffed down my dinner, making him laugh between the bites he took. It wasn't much later that I let him lead me to our bedroom, where we celebrated the baby the safe way we had celebrated my life weeks earlier.


End file.
